i, sadly, have come to realize that i am not perfect.

however there is something great upon this discovery. what can be so great upon discovering the imperfection of yourself? well i would say that discovering and admitting you are not perfect frees you to discover who you really are and who God wants you to be. i think you could safely say that God has no interest in perfect people. if you look through the pages of the Bible you will notice that all of the people that where used by God to do great things were imperfect. i think that God uses imperfect people because they have a story and a realness to them. perfect people have layers of lies and never want anyone to see them weak, or imperfect. the funny thing is that they may be more weak than those of us who have realized how imperfect we are! and once we come to grips with our imperfections and failures it makes today so much easier to get through. it makes failing ok not because you are failing but because you are trying.

and trying is all you can really do. so feel free to fail, but feel empowered to get back up and grit your teeth and keep going. take the fake layers down and let the world know you are imperfect and you are ok with it. become a real person with faults, willing to talk with others about your faults and their faults. its worth a shot, the worst that can happen is failing!

Labels: fail, failure, great, imperfect, imperfection, perfect, perfection, true

Recently my baby boy has come down with a bit of a rough cough and stuffy nose. He weezes and at times sounds like he is having a heck of a time just breathing.

And all I can do is sit there and try to comfort him as he coughs and screams. I am helpless to the situation. I am helpless to his pain. I can offer a drop tylenol that does little for his cough. I am helpless to do anything. There is no medicine, there is no quick fix. There is nothing but time, the slow tick of the clock.

Completely Helpless.

And it's the worst feeling. And it's very frustrating. Because I just want him to be better, I just want to him to be okay and sleep and be happy.

This helplessness makes me wonder if I have put anyone else in this position. Sitting on the outside and wanting so badly for me to go this way but I don't. Have I made someone feel as though they were in a soundproof room screaming out to me? All they want is to help me, and my actions hurt them so deeply.

In time it all comes full circle, we eventually come around and see that those who were looking out for us really did care, really did want the best, and we may even see how helpless we made them feel. Perhaps it's finally growing up and not making stupid decisions anymore. Perhaps its making a lifestyle change.

Perhaps its having a baby and realizing how helpless you can feel at times just praying for them to get better because there is nothing you can do.

Labels: baby, doctor, help, helpless, hopeless, medicine, please

church.

is it a building? is it just a place to go to weekly? is it only a weekly thing? or is it a wednesday thing as well? do i have to wear nice clothes? smile proudly? appear perfect? make sure i am there every week?

or is it an idea? or is the important stuff going on inside the building on sunday? does what's going on during sunday spill over into monday, and continue until saturday? is sunday the time to recharge and get you ready for another week? is sunday the time in a building where you can meet up with others sharing the same path during the week as you are?

it seems like the church has become its own place and of its own importance, and i am talking about the building not the people. the buildings and clothes and appearance of the church seems to be so much more important now than the idea of the church.

to me it seems the church should helping the needy. the church should be in the parts of the city that are hurting. the church should be spreading a message through action, through love, through being there. and maybe if the church was there, then maybe those people who the church is helping would find their way to the building or maybe they would just spread the message themselves...

Labels: action, appearance, buildings, christian, church, cross, faith, hope, ideal, jesus, love, message, sunday

today is a new day. as is tomorrow. grace gives us the opportunity to start over. to move on. to say i messed up but i am forgiven and this act is forgotten. its so much easier to write this than to live it. the thing is that what we do today has impact on tomorrow. starting over today, gives tomorrow a fresh look, a sense of hope and chance that i can do this. asking for help today, admitting mistakes today, coming clean today, forgiving today, whatever it is makes the outlook on tomorrow so much greater than trying to carry the burden of everything that is weighing you down. i know there is a lot of today and tomorrow in this little thought but if you simplify it and understand it hopefully you can realize you can do this.

Labels: alive, forgiveness, fresh start, grace, hope, ideal, life, live, living, love, new, new day, new hope, tomorrow