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scars.

2008-10-29T13:07:00.003-04:00

lately i have been intrigued by the idea of scars, specifically being scarred by love. we toss the phrase around a lot, and its really interesting to me.

i have to ask what is really being scarred? where are these scars?

scars are generally a physical thing you can see and touch and know that you are healed. is that why love scars and emotional scars take so long to heal? we do not get the mental advantage of seeing the physical repair, of touching the scar and knowing its healed.

some people never seem to recover from their emotional scars and they end up living as a shadow of who they really are because they are afraid they are not recovered.

how can we get ourselves to recover and know that we are healed?

how can we see our scars and know we are restored, we are ok and we can live again?

reading. Jesus Wants to Save Christians

2008-10-28T02:38:00.003-04:00

I just picked up Rob Bell's new book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians.

I am interested most to learn what the cover art is all about.

Seriously I think it will be a good read like Sex God and Velvet Elvis were.

Time to get back into the blog world!!

chapters.

2008-07-30T01:18:00.003-04:00

another minute, another hour, another day, another page, another chapter in your life.

lately i have been thinking about about the different chapters that happen in our lives. sometimes it seems though that we are missing out on the current chapter wishing we were in a previous chapter of life. some may be wishing they were still in college, or perhaps even in high school.

i've come to realize that the best chapter is being written right now.

i've come to realize that what i am going through is the most exciting thing i have ever read. it's a book that cannot be put down. i am sure the chapters ahead are exciting as well, just like the previous chapters were. but i have no desire to skip ahead and no desire to go back. right here, right now in this moment is incredible.

every day is a new day, and has yet to be written. i suppose you could stand by and let life write your story or you could grab the pen and live yourself and enjoy the ink that is being put to paper.

live your life, write your chapers!!

simple.

2008-07-14T02:24:00.005-04:00

I like simple.

I like simple because everything else is so chaotic and crazy and busy that the few things that are simple can really catch your attention.

It seems like we have so many things, devices, technology, etc that are meant for us to keep life simple and make it easier. All it really does though is make us more complicated. Make us more distracted and less focused.

Why is it so hard to sit with the TV off? Why is it so hard to not check facebook or your stocks or news feeds on the internet or on your phone? Why?

Some of the greatest things involve nothing. The starry sky in the country with the millions of starts lighting up the sky. It's truly amazing. No tv's, no phones, no internet, but so many people miss out on it. I've made comments before on the rhythm of life and how important it is to just breathe and live. And I really think it's something we could all really use in our lives, it's just so hard to get yourself in the mindset to do it.

Breathe. Relax. Live. Rhythm. Live your rhythm.

fireworks!!!

2008-07-03T16:22:00.003-04:00

Happy 4th of July!

Nothing is better than a nice long weekend. You have time to get your rhythm of life going if you never seem to catch, you have an extra weekend day. Be in the moment. Be with your kids, with your family, with your friends. Leave work and bills somewhere else and just enjoy life.

So have fun with the fireworks, and bonfires and hot dogs!

perfect people

2008-06-29T15:53:00.003-04:00

i, sadly, have come to realize that i am not perfect.

however there is something great upon this discovery. what can be so great upon discovering the imperfection of yourself? well i would say that discovering and admitting you are not perfect frees you to discover who you really are and who God wants you to be. i think you could safely say that God has no interest in perfect people. if you look through the pages of the Bible you will notice that all of the people that where used by God to do great things were imperfect. i think that God uses imperfect people because they have a story and a realness to them. perfect people have layers of lies and never want anyone to see them weak, or imperfect. the funny thing is that they may be more weak than those of us who have realized how imperfect we are! and once we come to grips with our imperfections and failures it makes today so much easier to get through. it makes failing ok not because you are failing but because you are trying.

and trying is all you can really do. so feel free to fail, but feel empowered to get back up and grit your teeth and keep going. take the fake layers down and let the world know you are imperfect and you are ok with it. become a real person with faults, willing to talk with others about your faults and their faults. its worth a shot, the worst that can happen is failing!

feeling helpless.

2008-06-19T04:02:00.002-04:00

Recently my baby boy has come down with a bit of a rough cough and stuffy nose. He weezes and at times sounds like he is having a heck of a time just breathing.

And all I can do is sit there and try to comfort him as he coughs and screams. I am helpless to the situation. I am helpless to his pain. I can offer a drop tylenol that does little for his cough. I am helpless to do anything. There is no medicine, there is no quick fix. There is nothing but time, the slow tick of the clock.

Completely Helpless.

And it's the worst feeling. And it's very frustrating. Because I just want him to be better, I just want to him to be okay and sleep and be happy.

This helplessness makes me wonder if I have put anyone else in this position. Sitting on the outside and wanting so badly for me to go this way but I don't. Have I made someone feel as though they were in a soundproof room screaming out to me? All they want is to help me, and my actions hurt them so deeply.

In time it all comes full circle, we eventually come around and see that those who were looking out for us really did care, really did want the best, and we may even see how helpless we made them feel. Perhaps it's finally growing up and not making stupid decisions anymore. Perhaps its making a lifestyle change.

Perhaps its having a baby and realizing how helpless you can feel at times just praying for them to get better because there is nothing you can do.

you need to get to a building.

2008-06-11T00:59:00.003-04:00

church.

is it a building? is it just a place to go to weekly? is it only a weekly thing? or is it a wednesday thing as well? do i have to wear nice clothes? smile proudly? appear perfect? make sure i am there every week?

or is it an idea? or is the important stuff going on inside the building on sunday? does what's going on during sunday spill over into monday, and continue until saturday? is sunday the time to recharge and get you ready for another week? is sunday the time in a building where you can meet up with others sharing the same path during the week as you are?

it seems like the church has become its own place and of its own importance, and i am talking about the building not the people. the buildings and clothes and appearance of the church seems to be so much more important now than the idea of the church.

to me it seems the church should helping the needy. the church should be in the parts of the city that are hurting. the church should be spreading a message through action, through love, through being there. and maybe if the church was there, then maybe those people who the church is helping would find their way to the building or maybe they would just spread the message themselves...

fresh start.

2008-06-05T18:05:00.004-04:00

today is a new day. as is tomorrow. grace gives us the opportunity to start over. to move on. to say i messed up but i am forgiven and this act is forgotten. its so much easier to write this than to live it. the thing is that what we do today has impact on tomorrow. starting over today, gives tomorrow a fresh look, a sense of hope and chance that i can do this. asking for help today, admitting mistakes today, coming clean today, forgiving today, whatever it is makes the outlook on tomorrow so much greater than trying to carry the burden of everything that is weighing you down. i know there is a lot of today and tomorrow in this little thought but if you simplify it and understand it hopefully you can realize you can do this.

what if.

2008-05-30T19:47:00.003-04:00

What If

Such a powerful phrase.

What If... Everyone asks themselves this question. What if I hadn't done this or that. What if I had said something. What if I tried this. What if I cared a little more.

It's really a summary for so many lives. So many of us choose to live the safe route and just ask 'what if'. And this group of us also live in jealousy or wonder of those who choose to answer the what if questions they come up with.

Do you ask yourself this question? I think if we are asking it to often, like on a daily or weekly basis, perhaps we should just one time answer the 'what if' with action. Of course I dont mean finding out what happens if you rob a bank or cheat on someone, but I mean in a way taht can positively impact life. Answering what it would be like to join a small group, to bury the anger towards someone, to finally go home, go to church, forgive, seek help for addictions, etc...

What if you did something and changed your life for the better? What if tomorrow and the next day you could look back and claim this moment as the moment you answered 'what if' with action and you couldn't be happier that you did!

a great day of nothing.

2008-05-19T02:30:00.002-04:00

today i did nothing. i woke up. i ate food. i played with my dogs. i focused on time with my son. we watched the cubs win. the family went to church. and we concluded with some tv, dinner and time together relaxing.

it would seem days like this would not be a big deal and would be easy to make happen all the time, almost an every day affair. but it's not. and my boy grows a little more each day. i change a little more each day. my wife changes a little more each day. time can go by so quickly that it seems we blink and years can pass us by.

when did this start? where did we go wrong? when did 2 weeks of vacation become the standard?

how did we as a society lose our value of doing nothing? how did the value of just enjoying the moment, just living today get upstaged by working hard, planning the next 30 years, saving every penny for some magical day that we are not guaranteed to see? i'm not saying i totally disagree with saving some money and working hard. but i do think we can get so consumed with it that we lose our weekends, we lose our friends, we forget what a night out at the cinema is like.

it seems like life has become this snowball that just picks up speed and gets going so fast, that quite honestly it'd be nice to hit a tree and start the snowball all over. live today. enjoy your friends. enjoy your family. enjoy your children. enjoy your sports. enjoy your pets. live today, because nothing is guaranteed except for the past and this very moment.

Forgiveness...

2008-05-15T01:20:00.003-04:00

So here is a thought I have been thinking about lately. And by lately I mean for a few years. Why is it so hard to accept forgiveness and the grace of God? Why does it seem like there is some debt, some thing we must do to be forgiven?

The truth really is that right now, this moment here at 1:22am, I am no more worthy and deserving of forgiveness of God, forgiveness of a friend, forgiveness from whomever, than I was saturday. And I will be no more worthy tuesday or in october or ever. But just try to grasp and realize this. Nothing you can do can change this.

I screw up, You screw up (and you will and I most certainly have) and forgiveness is still there, its always still there waiting for us, me, you to accept it.

We are just so consumed with 'me' and 'myself' that we forget that 'me' is taken care of by someone else and can only be taken care of by someone else. I can do nothing to earn forgiveness other than ask and accept it and love the gift of it.

We need to turn the spotlight around and witness some of these awful things the world has going underneath us while we focus on 'me' and saving 'me'. ME is saved, move on, save/help/protect/love/forgive/smile/hug/share/laugh/scream/shout/dance/believe!!!!!!

Its in others where we will truly find this joy, this redemption, this forgiveness that we are so sure is in 'me'!

my thoughts...

2008-05-10T02:27:00.000-04:00

are coming. what are your thoughts? what is this website?
well i am going to journal, think, wrestle with ideas, search the internet for cool links, funny videos, i am going to look for that something that is missing and hopefully get an idea of where it is.